CBS / Via Warner Bros. Television Distribution. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. My father is allergic to cotton. Our child has a great deal of willpowerand even more wont power. And that's just in the hot dogs. Shirley MacLaine, 57. 6. Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry-erase board has to be the most remarkable. 42. All the time. And thats just in the hot dogs. (David Letterman), 2) Ive been getting into astronomy so I installed a skylight. "Mindy Kaling, 2. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Your life is your message. Gandhi, 13. A new wine has been made for cats. Roy Sutton. Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. Its called wedding cake. There's nothing like a little alone time to make you appreciate your own company. "I hate housework. -Janeane Garofalo. Now you say, Control freak who?. 33. These 101 funny quotes from comedians, movies, authors, and TV look at the hilarious side of life. The way I see it, id you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. Dolly Parton, 20. "Pauline Thomason, 54. We all have hopes and aspirations, though some peoples goals are more active than others. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Pets: the family members you get to choose. And guess what? I havent slept for 10 days because that would be too long. Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town? 71. Life is an adventure and getting wherever you are going is half the fun. Unknown, 31. They laughed at me. (Upjoke), 7) What should you do at a Halloween party if a zombie rolls their eyes at you? "Will Rogers, 66. One-liners on Life You'll Want to Read Over and Over Again !" "Arguing with a fool proves there are two." - Doris M. Smith "Better a witty fool than a foolish wit." - William Shakespeare catchy clever quotes "If we cannot be clever, we can always be kind." - Alfred Fripp "It's okay if you disagree with me. Statistician: a person who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. They made me smile and I'm confident a few of them will brighten your day too. "Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face." "Without geometry, life is pointless." Men marry women hoping they will not. 100 Funny One-Liners That Will Get You Laughing - Reader's Digest As the sayings go, we only get one shot at this adventure we call life and weve compiled these 80 funny one-liners about life to bring you a giggle. If it were easy, fathers would do it." "George Bernard Shaw, 78. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. -. A bad habit has a unique detrimental effect on your life. Richard D. Rawlings, 61. First impressions matter, and wed like to say nobodys judging you, but you know, theyre certainly paying attention to you. "Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. 70: When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance. 9. 5. 32. The meaning of life is to give life meaning. Ken Hudgins, 2. 19. Be the life of the office and add to the company culture. Who wants to know? 53. What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle? Everything that we do today determines how were going to live life tomorrow. Martin Dasko, 25. It was here first." What I dont like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller, 28. "Benjamin Franklin, 30. Theyll be able to feel your authenticity. You'll have trouble putting on your pants. If at first you dont succeed, try management. Anonymous, 21. "All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening. 80 Of The Best One Liners About Life To Make You Smile - Quote Flick Cookie information is stored in your browser and performs functions such as recognising you when you return to our website and helping our team to understand which sections of the website you find most interesting and useful. Don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. We appreciate any shares on Pinterest if you love our work! Theres an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job. Peter Drucker, 18. Phyllis Diller, 82. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car." "It's never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. 20 Funny Father's Day Gifts 2023 - Best Gag Gifts for Dad So, 'Never take life seriously, no one gets out alive' is an oft-heard and good one-liner that inspires people to be positive about life and makes you laugh. I hate Russian dolls; they're so full of themselves. 55. I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off. Then turn to these bad jokes that you cant help but laugh at, short jokes that anyone can remember, and for the little ones, short jokes for kids. 67. 86. "Oscar Wilde, 60. Rapport is especially important for presentations where youre trying to persuade an audience of strangers, and you can build rapport with people youve never met (and may not have anything in common with) by using some of the funniest jokes you can find. There are many traits that a successful leader should have. Has someone been kidnapped? And I also know that I'm not blonde." What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke? "Luis Buuel, 49. - Steven Wright. Why didnt Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? 40. and , The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. -, There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them. -, All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -, Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. -.
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